Prophecies and Properness
by PreTitlesSequence
Summary: The sarcastic companion to Being Human series 4, featuring stuff you probably wanted to say to the characters, quotes, deep inner meanings, heroes and losers, and the odd war child. Series 4 & minor series 5 spoilers lie within! Chapter nine, Unfinished Business is now up, complete with pre-series five memos and predictions.
1. Eve of the War

**A/N: Hello, and welcome, to Prophecies and Properness!**

**This story is a spin-off from Kitty O's great 'Restrictions and Reprimands', where she wrote about each episode of **_**Merlin**_** series four, making fictional memos and other things for each episode. So, with her permission (thanks!) over the course of the next eight weeks, I'll be doing a **_**Being Human**_** spin off of that story. Some section ideas are mine, some are hers.**

**So, here's what's going to be happening here: I watch the episode. Maybe you do too. Then I write some hopefully funny and sarcastic memos to the characters, plus Heroes and Loser of the episode, some awesome quotes from the episode, and a prediction for the next episode.**

**There will be a chapter for each episode of series four, posted every Tuesday or Wednesday, plus one or two summary chapters at the end! Major spoilers lie beyond. **

**So, without further ado, here's Episode One, 'Eve of the War**'!

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><p>HEROES AND LOSER (In this section, I pick my favourite 3 characters of the episode, and my least favourite character)<p>

HEROES – 1. Annie. She was coping much better than George with the grief, and was still chirpy and trying to help people out. Unlike George. 2 – Tom. He was just generally awesome this episode, taking out vampires left, right, and centre. He completely ignored McNair's advice from last series. 3 – Cutler. Not a hero as such, but he's my new favourite vampire. He might actually be this series' Big Bad – Now that sounds like a good idea.

MISSING OUT: George and Hal. Maybe next time, Hal. Sorry, George, I know you're dead and all, but you were pathetic for half of the episode before you became awesome.

LOSER – Wyndham. He didn't even appear in this episode, and we later learn he was killed by George. And because he only got 20 minutes of screen-time in the whole series, I pronounce him Shortest Lived on Screen Vampire.

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><p>MORAL OF THE EPISODE (Where I look for some deep meaning within the episode, or just take the piss) Man up, force yourself to partially transform, save your daughter and die. Now that's self sacrifice. Take note.<p>

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><p>QUOTES (Well...)<p>

CUTLER – 'I bet the Magna Carta doesn't have a nipple on it.'

CUTLER – 'Before you reach the first city, they'll have raised an army on Twitter.'

VAMPIRE RECORDER – 'Zombom, om nom, zombom *yawn*

ANNIE 'He doesn't need you coming in and filling his head with this... twattage!'

GEORGE 'It's OK. It's just the end of my story.'

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><p>MEMOS (The main part of the story, the fictional memos to the characters – and the part I owe most credit to Kitty O, so thank you. The answers will be posted with episode two, please try and guess!)<p>

One – You see, that's the way to deal with grief. Not going all mopey and sitting there guarding your daughter with a stake, instead, trying to be cheerful and helpful and making tea! Even though you broke down in tears minutes after making said tea. I don't blame you – at least you didn't- I'll stop now.

You also said my new favourite word – Twattage. I really have no idea where that came from, but still! And you continued to be awesome throughout the episode – trying to save the baby, threatening vampires and then being there to say goodbye to George. I hope you continue to be like this every episode. Please?

Yours sincerely,

PTS

Two Well hi there. Well not really, hi, I've already seen you. But it was nice to see you in a beefed-up series regular role. You were pretty great last series, and it's nice to see that you're still awesome. Although didn't McNair say last series to live a normal life and stop killing vampires? Er...

But still, Eve the baby wouldn't have survived without your vampire killings. And she's the war child and all. So she has to stay alive. And it looks like you'll be taking George's place in Honolulu Heights, which is cool with me. After all, it'll be fun to see how you and new vampire Hal get on. Badly, by the looks of the next time trailer. Did I just say next time trailer to you?

With kind regards,

PTS

THREE – Well, hi there, new vampire on the block. We didn't see much of you this episode, and I've got to admit; why am I even writing a memo to you instead of someone like the vampire recorder of Cutler? I guess it's because you'll become a series regular, and a MITCHELL REPLACEMENT. Whoops, spoilers. You probably haven't heard of Mitchell anyway. He's dead now.

But what we did see of you is promising. Very promising. You seem like quite a nice guy, with terrible fashion sense. You still wear tweed suits. It's 2012, not 1955! Although I guess that it's because you have to be shielded from the modern world, to avoid killing. And that would really, really screw up the time continuum. Is there a time continuum on _Being Human_?

See you next episode,

PTS

FOUR –Well, that certainly was a episode of two halves for you. In the first half, you moped a lot and were generally useless. Yes, I know Nina was killed and you want to protect your baby, but really? Annie was coping a lot better than you. And she's dead. Also, did you mean to quote _Star_ _Wars_ in that warehouse? 'It's a TRAP!' Anyway, I digress.

However, in the second half, you were brilliant. You broke every mythology rule in the book in order to save your daughter, and I respect that. Although the part-transformation made you look a bit weird. No offence. And finally, you died, in an act of sort-of self-sacrifice. And you came round just before your death, so I've forgiven you. Just. I know you're behind the door of death and all, but I hope you get this. I'll get Herrick to send it through.

I so didn't have tears in my eyes when you died,

PTS

FIVE – Hi baby. I know that you can't read yet, so I'll get Annie to read it to you. Good luck with being the war child and killing the vampires.

Behave well and don't throw your food around,

PTS

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><p><span>RATING FOR THE EPISODE<span> – 9. It wasn't perfect, but it was certainly very, very good, and I won't be surprised if it comes near the top in the end-of-fic episode leaderboard in chapter 9.

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><p><span>PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE<span> – Not much to be going on, really. Hal will reluctantly move into Honolulu Heights by episode's end. Leo will die happily. Pearl will fade. Tom and Hal will bicker.

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><p><strong>Please review – constructive criticism is more than welcome, since I'm new to all this! The chapter for episode two, 'Being Human 1955' will be up next Tuesday. <strong>

**PTS out.**


	2. Being Human 1955

**A/N: Another week, another episode of **_**Being Human**_**, and a new chapter of Prophecies and Properness! **

**I received a couple of reviews last time criticising me about this not actually being a fic. I stress that the memos, the bulk of the chapters, are in letter format, which is allowed on Fanfiction, and they're all fiction. But, to make this a little bit more fiction-y, a new feature, titled 'How it Could Have Happened' is being introduced. More about that below. So, without further ado, here's Episode Two, 'Being Human 1955'!**

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><p>ANSWERS TO LAST WEEKS MEMOS – 1. Annie, 2. Tom, 3. Hal, 4. George, 5. Eve.<p>

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><p>PREDICTABLE? (In this feature, I see how close my prediction from last week was to the actual thing)<p>

I think I did pretty well. Tom and Hal bickered. Hal moved into Honolulu Heights, reluctantly. Leo died happily. Pearl left, but through her door, not by fading, so that was a half-fail.

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><p>HEROES AND LOSER<p>

HEROES – 1 - Leo. He didn't moan, he didn't complain, and he was my favourite character this episode. It really was a shame to see him go. 2 – Annie. She tried her best and was generally very, very funny. Especially when she ending up quoting _Star Wars _ in the ceremony. 3 – Pearl. Like Leo, it really was a shame to see Pearl go, as she was great at politely insulting Annie: 'You're wearing long johns!'

LOSER - Cutler. Yup, Cutler ends up on the opposite end of this feature this week. Why? Because his focus group got eaten. That's why.

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><p>MORAL OF THE EPISODE – Eve's not the Messiah, but Tom's a very naughty werewolf.<p>

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><p><span>QUOTES<span>

ANNIE – 'Thou shalt not hide stakes in my shrubbery!'

LEO – 'We don't like to talk about what happens when Hal drinks Kia Ora.'

HAL – 'I'd love to, but I have plans to stay in and self-harm.'

CUTLER – 'They've eaten my focus group!'

ANNIE – 'May the Force be with her!'

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><p><span>HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED<span> (A poorly written alternate episode)

Hal, Leo and Pearl arrive at Honolulu Heights. Tom stakes Hal on sight. Leo and Pearl leave, angrily, only to be run over by a van carrying bottles of Kia Ora. Annie and Tom go back indoors to change Eve's nappy, but Eve zaps them, kills Tom and makes Annie fade. The end of _Being Human_.

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><p><span>MEMOS<span>

ONE:  Well, hello again, new vampire on the block. Hang on, I said that last week. Anyway, it's nice to see you for all of the episode, rather than just bits of it. I do like you, but you do seem a little bit weird and jumpy and OCD. I mean, seriously, what's with the painstaking construction and destruction of the dominoes? That's not what dominoes are for! Well, it is, sort of, but I digress.

It's chilling to hear what killing's like from you, to be honest. You obviously have a really, really dark past. Which is quite clearly going to catch up with you soon. See? I know you better than you know yourself, because I saw your prequel online. Did I just say online prequel?

Move onto Top Trumps or something?

PTS

TWO: You were pretty great last week, and you continued that form this week. I see that you're going all motherly with Tom, with the commandments, and the tellings off. Which is all fine with me, because it's nice comic relief. And then there was the ceremony, which was hilarious, all for the wrong reasons. Trying to be profound, you ended up spouting Latin and quoting _Star Wars_, like George did last week. (Coming next week, _Star Wars_ Watch!)

And the very polite arguments with Pearl were also quite amusing. It was pretty shameful to see Pearl insult your tea-making skills. I mean, who insults your tea-making skills? Apart from Pearl. And now Hal's moved in, hopefully you'll go all motherly with him, because that would be hilarious. Please?

Yours sincerely,

PTS

THREE: I feel duty-bound, since you're a series regular, to write a memo for you, so here it is. You were pretty cool this episode. You punched that moronic shop owner in the face. You hid stakes in the shrubbery. You protected Eve. All of which is very admirable, it must be said. McNair would be proud. Apart from the stakes in the shrubbery thing.

But you kept threatening to stake Hal, which was weird, as even you have to know that he's a series regular, and he's contract-bound to stay at least until episode eight. And his actor's talking series five. Actor? Series? I really, really have to stop saying these things.

Thou shalt not hide stakes in my shrubbery either,

PTS

FOUR: Hi. As I said above, you were probably my favourite character this episode and it's a shame to see you go with just two episodes and a prequel. You didn't complain about anything, and you were nice to EVERYONE. Especially Pearl, with the romance and the ring and stuff.

I mean, we never even saw you transform. Well, we did, a bit, but you were chained to a bed and we didn't see the wolf. Everything was snatched from you, including regular status. Which was a real pity, but it was still nice to see you die nobly and happily. You got a far more dignified death than George got last week. There wasn't any blood or anything with you. Which is just as well, as Hal would've gone a bit crazy with extreme blood-wait a second, werewolf blood's poisonous to vampires. So perhaps not.

I'll get George to give you this,

PTS

FIVE: This is your first memo! Congratulations! Your certificate and plastic medal will be coming in the post in the next couple of days. Just a quick question: are you even bothered that your werewolf-exposing evil plan got foiled at the first hurdle? I mean, your friends ate your focus group. Do you care? No? Forget it. Vampires. So ungrateful.

Yours hatefully,

PTS

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><p><span>RATING FOR THE EPISODE:<span> 8. It was sharp, funny, and witty, but it wasn't quite up there with last week's mythology-breaking thriller of an opener. But still, this episode could end up fairly high on the episode leaderboard. But then again, the rest of the stories could be fantastic and this episode could end up rock bottom. But I can't see the remaining six episodes being THAT good.

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><p><span>PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE<span> – Let's see. Hal will be faced with temptation. First with the vampires tempting him to join up – Hal will probably end up refusing this. And then with the woman from the trailer tempting him to feed on her. He will just about refuse this, with some help from Tom who will burst in. Also, Hal and Tom will bicker. Again. But that's a given.

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><p><strong>Please review, positive reviews are lovely, but polite constructive criticism is welcome too. The chapter for episode three, 'The Graveyard Shift', will be up next Tuesday<strong>

**PTS out. **


	3. The Graveyard Shift

**A/N Hello, and welcome to chapter three of Prophecies and Properness!**

**First of all, thanks to GhibliGirl91 for the lovely review I got last chapter - and the helpful advice! And also thank you for the story alerts I got last chapter, it's really appreciated. I'm also watching bits of **_**Being **_**Human US, which is good, but no better than good. UK wins. Sorry, folks. I'm looking to possibly changing the feature line-up from chapter to chapter, so if anyone's got suggestions for new features, they're more than welcome to put them in reviews (if you review).**

**So, without any further rambling from me, here's Episode Three, 'The Graveyard Shift'!**

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><p><span>ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK'S MEMOS -<span> 1. Hal, 2. Annie, 3. Tom, 4. Leo, 5. Cutler

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><p><span>PREDICTABLE?<span>

In the words of Herrick: 'It's a knotty one, isn't it?' I got all of what I predicted right. Hal was faced with temptation, from Fergus and Micheala. Although Tom didn't burst in, he just came round the corner. BUT, I didn't predict the staking of Fergus, so marks down for that. In my defence, I did predict his death, but that was after the spoiler-free reviews and teasers came out and hinted about it.

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><p><span>HEROES AND LOSER<span>

HEROES – 1 - Hal. There's always a character that shines in an episode, and this week it was Hal. He's shaping up to be a really, really interesting character. 2 – Tom. He was seriously bad-ass this week, staking vampires left, right and centre. The world's second werewolf BAMF. 3 – Fergus. I just kinda liked him this episode. No real reason.

LOSER – 1. Fergus. A Big Bad dying three episodes in? That's a new one. Even Wyndham got a fair portion of a finale.

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><p><span>MORAL OF THE EPISODE<span> – Always keep a spare stake handy in case of vampire attacks.

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><p><span>QUOTES<span>

TOM – '' I like your tights. They look like a bee, and I like bees.''

HAL: '' I cannot go anywhere with central heating, carpets, and Radio 4.'' (A/N Probably a gag for the British audience.)

HAL – 'And I had a shield. A red one!'

TOM – 'It's disrespectful to the lady, even if they are in the nuddy.'

REGUS – 'My lunch fought back.'

REGUS – 'My friends are horrible. There's a couple of them in the hoover.'

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><p><span>HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED<span>

The episode goes as it did for 35 minutes. Then, as Micheala's at the counter, instead of ranting about his red shield, he kills her, then in a bloodthirsty rage, kills literally everyone in Cardiff. EVERYONE. Including Tom, at which point Hal is poisoned and dies. Annie and Fergus run away with Eve, but a time crack, angry at the series arc plot being changed, opens up and swallows them.

* * *

><p><span>MEMOS<span>

ONE: Let me start this off: you were epic this episode. Really, really awesome. But before that, we need to talk about the pre-titles sequence (I try, I really try). So, it turns out that you have a DARK PAST! Just like – I'll stop. Please, please don't become like that again and fall off the proverbial wagon, I like you as you are, now.

So, from the past into the present. As I was saying, you rocked this episode. That offer Fergus gave you was pretty darn tempting. But not only did you stick with your friends and refuse his offer, you staked him there and then. Now that, is B. A. M. F.

BAMF you later,

PTS

TWO: Hey, was it BAMF week or something? It's just that you were a lot more bad-ass then you were last week, this week. Maybe the writers wrote half the episode on a sugar rush. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the whole BAMF thing.

In a sense, it was just like in episode one where you killed many vampires. MANY. Enough about talking about vampire killings. We also discovered that you're an crap flirter! No offence, but saying you like bees to flirt with a girl is borderline moronic. Even Hal was better at flirting, and Hal was born in 15-something.

Stake you later,

PTS

THREE – Why, hello there. You had a decent episode, if not exactly Hal and Tom standards. You were really trying to protect Eve. And it was kind of amusing to see you giggling at Regus experiencing your – uh, this is a T-rated fic, I'll be delicate – first intercourse. I was laughing along with you, because it was pretty funny.

However, you acted a little moronic at times. When Regus chastised you for taking Eve to the supermarket earlier on, it didn't cross your mind that it would be wise to... y'know, not take Eve out to the park. In BROAD DAYLIGHT. You need to be paranoid to protect the War Child, you know.

And on that bombshell, it's time to end this memo.

PTS

FOUR – Hi. Congratulations, you're this week's winner of the guest-star memo! Your plastic trophy will be shipping with the Old Ones, and will arrive on March 18. So, down to sarcasm. First of all, you're annoying. Really, really annoying. I'm sorry, but handing in a bog-average piece of art is not going to get you a burger at a cafe. Money will.

And also, you said that you don't carry money. One minute later, there you are, chucking coins onto the counter. You liar! And I don't take well to liars, even fictional ones. And trust me, being a vampire isn't cool. You'll be suffering from bloodlust 24/7, and something HAS to give if that happens. Hopefully Regus'll keep you dry.

Vamp you later,

PTS

FIVE – Hi. It's gotta be said, I did like you a lot this episode. You were helpful AND amusing, which is nice. I did smirk a little when you said your lunch fought back, to be honest. What do you HAVE for lunch? Oh yeah, I remember. Humans. Were you drinking from a human, or eating a lizard or an ant or something equally bizarre for your lunch? Either way...

Read you later,

PTS

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><p><span>PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE<span> – Ah. Kirby will come round, and win over Tom, and Hal. Kirby will then try to manipulate Tom into hurting Hal, and cause friction between the two. Hal won't trust Kirby from the start, and he'll be the one to discover that Kirby's up to nothing good. I reckon he's been sent by the woman from episodes 1 and 2 to kill Eve. Maybe. Or possibly just to cause fights, and angst. It happens. Often, actually, in the _Being Human_-verse. The Humanverse?

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><p><strong>Please review, positive reviews are lovely, but tips on how I can improve and polite constructive criticism is always welcome. I'm not perfect, and tips help me to improve this fic so you can enjoy it a little more. The chapter for episode four, 'A Spectre Calls', will be uploaded next Monday, hopefully.<strong>

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><p><strong>PTS out.<strong>


	4. A Spectre Calls

**A/N Hello, and welcome to chapter four of Prophecies and Properness!**

**Blimey. I'm almost halfway through this. Time flies, especially in winter. Anyway, since last week, not too much has happened. Half term ended. I got a bit excited over some **_**Doctor Who**_** series 7 filming pics. I watched 'A Scandal in Belgravia' and 'The Hounds of Baskerville' with the audio commentaries (They're episodes 1 and 2 of **_**Sherlock**_** series 2 for non-fans). I got a couple of alerts and a new review, so thank you very much for that! (Really, thanks.) One thing: in my mad rush to get chapter 3 out on Monday, I left out the rating of the episode. Oops. I rated episode three 9 out of 10, by the way, so that's what will appear on the episode leaderboard in chapter nine. I've also decided that this fic will finish with chapter 9 on Friday 30 March.**

**So, without any further pointless rambling from me (I have a profile for that!), here's Episode Four, 'A Spectre Calls'!**

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><p><span>ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK'S MEMOS<span>: 1. Hal, 2. Tom, 3. Annie, 4. Micheala, 5. Regus.

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><p><span>PREDICTABLE<span>?

As it turns out, I did quite well with my predictions. Kirby won over Tom and Annie. Hal didn't trust Kirby, and discovered his true colours. Kirby was indeed there, to cause fights, angst AND kill Eve! Although I failed to predict Super-Annie and the revelation of the identity of the man with the burnt arm (which is Hal. Ooh er...)

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><p><span>HEROES AND LOSER<span>

HEROES - 1. Hal – Primarily because he was set up by Kirby, and didn't do anything wrong. 2. Cutler – For his newly discovered video editing skills. And the fact that I like the character, a lot. 3 - Annie. She was more than a little naive, but like Hal she was set up and I felt sorry for her.

LOSER – Kirby. He ruined EVERYTHING. The nice relationship the trio had set up, everything. Grr...

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><p><span>QUOTES<span>

HAL- 'She's made a rota, and I already have a rota.'

KIRBY – 'Evil is like flying First Class. Try it once and you never go back.'

HAL – 'I'm... I'm his boyfriend.'

KIRBY – 'Isn't Nina great? So tiny, yet so loud!'

TOM – 'Sometimes I got a crucifix and a banana muffin.'

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><p><span>HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED<span>

The episode goes as it did for 30 minutes. Then Hal, overcome with bloodlust from killing the newspaper reporter (the one who faked the Box Tunnel 20 story), goes on... yep, you guessed it, a massacre, killing everyone in Wales Tom. Tom stakes Hal, and Annie zaps Tom, killing him too. She realises his mistake immediately, and fades away, leaving Kirby to dance around Wales for all eternity.

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><p><span>MEMOS<span>

ONE – Poor you. You never got a proper birthday (well apart from the crucifixes and banana muffins or steaks and sparkles)? Which explains the slight lack of maturity. I won't say how old I am here, but I'm younger than you, and I wasn't getting that excited when I was 10. Seriously? Okay, maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but still...

And then you went out and starting drinking, then beating up random – wait, I mean thin air in a dark alleyway? Oh dear. I blame Kirby, but then I blame Kirby for everything that happened this episode. And you've made a good friend with Cutler – he may be evil but he sure is good at it.

See you next week,

PTS

TWO – I feel sorry for you. Really I do, and you're a 500 year old vampire who used to commit genocide for fun. You were completely and utterly stitched up by Kirby. You didn't do anything wrong! Well, apart from what you're going to do wrong. I mean, you're the guy with the burnt arm. You're going to fall off the wagon, I reckon.

As C'estMoiLiz requested (in a really nice review, thanks!) now we're going to talk about shirtless/vest you. Is it me or do you spend a slightly excessive amount of time shirtless or wearing a sleeveless vest? It must be the King Arthur effect. Forget I said that.

Burn the heart out of you (_Sherlock_ reference there )

PTS

THREE – Out of you, Tom and Hal, you were stitched up the most. Seriously, Kirby ran rings around you and caused you to fade. Though, to be honest, you were a little gullible and fell for it too easily. You need to start having trust issues, and I never thought I'd say that. To anyone.

Although it appears that you have some brand spanking new ghost superpowers! You can return from fading, and squish ghosts, which is pretty cool, I must admit. I want that power. So, what other powers do you have? Lactokinesis? (A gold star for someone who gets that reference.)

You've got the power,

PTS

FOUR – I hate you. You moron. Why did you come in, and ruin all those friendships? You tricked the two nicest people in the fictional world, and caused them to fall out. You heartless bastard. You evil sod. You – I'll stop, you probably get the picture.

Not only did you cruelly ruin those epic friendships, you killed loads of people beforehand. By – by tricking them! What. Is. Your. Problem? Nutcase. At least The Incredible Annie managed to squish you into oblivion. You are officially my least favourite _Being Human_ character ever. Loser.

PTS angry...

FIVE – Welcome back! I see you're up to no good again, digging up plot points from Series 2, doctoring the CCTV footage of Tom beating that guy up... although I guess the second one was good, even if it almost certainly has ulterior motives. What are you up to? It's something bad, I get that... You're not going to do anything to hurt Tom, Annie or Hal, are you? I hope not. If you do, I'll turn against you. Muhahahahahhahahahahaha.

I'm evil too,

PTS

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><p><span>RATING FOR THE EPISODE<span>: 9. The third 9 in a row, but I guess it's a testament to the quality of the series. As much as I hated Kirby the character, we were supposed to hate him, and James Lance did a superb job bringing him to life. The three leads also continue to perform amazingly week after week, which is pretty impressive. There was also the trademark mix of comedy, horror and suspense, which shows that _Being Human_, despite the cast changes, is very much still the same show.

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><p><span>PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE<span> – Very, very little to be going on here. Adam (yay!) will return to Honolulu Heights with school head Yvonne in tow, on the run from the press (that much I could tell from the synopsis.) I reckon Yvonne is a ghost in Annie-from-Series-1 mode, so people can see her, but she's actually dead. She'll be able to see Annie. Although she could well be a werewolf, vampire or new supernatural creature, however.

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><p><strong>Please review, positive reviews are lovely, but tips on how I can improve (I'm a novice at this stuff!) and polite constructive criticism is very welcome – since I'm always looking for ways to improve this fic. The chapter for episode five, 'Hold the Front Page', will be uploaded on Monday 5 March. <strong>

**PTS out.**


	5. Hold the Front Page

**A/N Hello, and welcome to chapter five of Prophecies and Properness**

**First things first: thank you for all the reviews that I got for the last chapter – they were all lovely, and I'll thank everyone personally when we get to chapter nine. However, as the reviews pointed out, I made a bit of a cock-up last chapter. I said that Cutler edited the CCTV of Tom beating up the man in the alleyway, thinking that it was just a normal guy who looked like a vampire in Tom's drunken state. But as it turns out, I slightly over-thought that, and it really was a vampire. And vampires don't appear on camera. Whoops. Also, well done to the people who got the lactokinesis reference from last chapter – it was indeed, from series 2 of **_**Misfits**_**. Look out for another mystery reference later on in the chapter.**

**So, without any further rambling from me, here's Episode Five, 'Hold the Front Page'!**

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><p><span>ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK'S MEMOS<span>: 1. Tom, 2. Hal, 3. Annie, 4. Kirby (*shakes fist*), 5. Cutler.

* * *

><p><span>PREDICTABLE?<span>

It turns out that my new method of firing off a few predictions in the hope that one will be correct works, as Yvonne was a brand new supernatural creature. However, I didn't predict that she was a succubus... but in my defence, I'd never heard of a succubus before this episode. I didn't even know the spelling when it was first mentioned!

* * *

><p><span>HEROES AND LOSER<span>

HEROES

1 – Adam. For being constantly amusing, and for accepting Yvonne despite the whole succubus thing. 2 – Cutler. Why is he a hero, when he's being really evil? Because he's Cutler, that's why. 3 – Tom. He's going to build a swimming pool in the back garden? *respect for Tom goes up*

LOSER - Yvonne, for messing with Tom and Hal. Mess with Tom and Hal... And you mess with me.

* * *

><p><span>MORAL OF THE EPISODE<span> – Love will always win, even when one of you is a mildly out-of-control sex pest vampire and the other's a red-eyed succubus.

* * *

><p><span>QUOTES<span>

TOM/ANNIE - 'Piss sticks!'

ADAM – 'Your face is a poem, your voice is wine, and your eyes are a symphony... and you have spectacular jubblies.'

YVONNE – 'Adam Jacobs, there's a staircase in that hallway, and on that staircase there will be a naughty step.'

ADAM – 'Listen Count Duckula, don't think you can do anything with her, she's mine. Our bedroom was like the Discovery Channel last night.'

CUTLER – 'Thomas, you're about to become very, very famous.'

* * *

><p><span>HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED<span>

Adam and Yvonne arrive at Honolulu Heights, and Yvonne puts Tom and Hal under her spell by accident. Tom and Hal fight, and they stake each other at the same time. Adam flees, but is captured on camera and the existence of vampires, werewolves and ghosts are exposed. Annie fades, due to her friends being dead. Meanwhile, Yvonne lives her life as normal with Adam, wondering why men seem to be so attracted to her.

* * *

><p><span>MEMOS<span>

ONE: Hello there, O Old One. See what I did there? Anyway, I felt a bit sorry for you again this episode. You were so powerless, which is saying something, considering your track record (Position of power, check. Having fun with power, check.) in power... things. However, there was something that we saw this episode that made me realise that you're not all good.

I know it was a dream, but you killing Tom was a little bit scary. And if it wasn't for BBC policy, you would've killed Eve! Scary thing is, is that I can imagine that you might end up doing exactly what you did in the dream, in real life, in the series finale, once you've fallen off the wagon. As for the bloodlust, maybe you need to lighten up a little. Why so serious? (Milk and cookies for anyone who gets THAT reference)

Please don't hurt me,

PTS

TWO – You... you have an urge to kill now? Ever since you killed Kirby, you've wanted to do it again? I'd blame you, but I'll blame Kirby instead. But you're supposed to be nice, and make the tea, and make slightly dubious decisions, not be the killer! If you have a bloodlust, the balance of the world has been changed. Look out for the time crack in the next episode.

Blood lust aside, it's nice to see you helping out Adam and Yvonne with their supernatural angst. If I ever need a counsellor, I'd want you as my counsellor. Perhaps you could crossover to _Sherlock_ and help out John Watson until Sherlock comes back from the 'dead'?

See you in the land of the B-plot,

PTS

THREE – What is that about the swimming pool in the back garden? I never knew you could build stuff like swimming pools... But since you mentioned it, I'm going to be severely disappointed if it isn't made and filled by episode seven. I'm imagining that it might be part of an important plot point... So go ahead and build the plot point!

Swimming pools aside, we know now what your stakes are called (I thought you were sane!). Let me remember: Thor, Beowulf, Conan, and Duncan. Why not call them Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, and Hulk? Why not? (More milk and cookies for anyone who gets what movie I'm talking about)

See you next week,

PTS

FOUR – Ah, it's good to see you back in action. And by action, I mean making crude jokes and hand gestures, and constantly going on about your made-up sexual exploits. It was nice to see a figure from the past popping up, considering that George, Mitchell and Nina have shuffled off this mortal coil last series and this series.

Apart from that, it turns out you have a heart. I mean, it's not exactly a heart of gold, more a heart of slightly rusty steel. But you were great to take Yvonne back, even when you found out that she's a succubus. That takes courage, and a certain amount of recklessness. Congratulations, you've joined Cutler in my multi-fandom Hall of Fame! I couldn't afford a plastic trophy, so you're getting a certificate.

See you next series (I hope),

PTS

FIVE – Just before you start reading this, consider yourself lucky. I gave up a memo to Cutler to write this memo for you, so y'know, think about that when I start insulting you. Okay, here goes: you moron. Who do you think you are, exploiting Tom and Hal like that? Yes, it was an accident, but then you did it on purpose to poor Tom! Evil, evil person. Last week, it was Kirby, now it's you. While Adam has joined my Hall of Fame, you've joined my Toaster (don't ask) of Shame.

PTS angry...

* * *

><p><span>RATING FOR THE EPISODE<span> – 8.5. I thought that I could get away with giving all the episodes whole number scores, but it turns out that I can't. Anyway, I really liked this episode, and Craig Roberts was superb as Adam (so were the leads) but it wasn't QUITE as good as the last two episodes. Not quite. It still made me laugh quite a lot, though. As with last week, especially since we got a figure from the past visiting this week, _Being Human_ has proved that it's still the same show.

* * *

><p><span>PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE<span> – Crikey. Let's see. Tom will meet Alison, the geeky werewolf, and will fall for her. Alison will show Tom the werewolf video Cutler uploaded and Tom will take it to Cutler, who will do something EVIL that is still cool. Hal's bloodlust will be sparked by love interest Alex and he'll start to really fall off the wagon. And Annie will solve her neighbour's unfinished business, in a slightly interesting B-plot.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review, positive reviews are lovely, but tips on how I can improve and polite constructive criticism are very welcome – because I really want to make this fic as good as it can possibly be. The chapter for episode six, 'Puppy Love' containing a new feature (suggested by a reviewer for chapter 4) will be uploaded on Monday 12 March. <strong>

**PTS *chika chika* out.**


	6. Puppy Love

**A/N Hello, and welcome to chapter six of Prophecies and Properness!**

**Well, to be honest, this week has been DULL. Really dull. I guess it's the curse of March, because NOTHING EVER HAPPENS in March. Apart from my birthday, and that's a while off. Thank goodness for **_**Being Human**_** then! Things that have happened this week: I've decided one of my writing projects for later in the year (I'll tell you what it is in chapter nine. But it's going to be as big as this) and decided not to do another (again, I'll say in chapter nine). Also, well done to the one person who got both of last week's mystery references – they were indeed **_**Batman Begins**_** and **_**The Avengers**_** references. Look out for two new references in the memos. There's a new feature this week, called 'Previously on **_**Being Human**_**' where I'll recap last week's events and make fun of them. The feature will also return for chapters seven and eight.**

**So, without any further rambling from me, here's Episode Six, 'Puppy Love'!**

* * *

><p><span>ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK'S MEMOS<span> – 1. Hal, 2. Annie, 3. Tom, 4. Adam, 5. Yvonne

* * *

><p>PREVIOUSLY ON <em>BEING HUMAN<em>

Adam returned, and spouted crude joke after crude joke. Yvonne, his schoolteacher girlfriend came along, and found out that she was a succubus, after she made Tom and Hal start fighting over her. Yvonne randomly turned evil and tried to kill Tom, but she was stopped by Adam, who apparently genuinely loves her. Which is insane, when you think about it. Adam and Yvonne left, and Cutler uploaded a video of Tom and George transforming, which will probably ruin Tom's life. Despite this, I am still rooting for Cutler. Why oh why?

* * *

><p><span>PREDICTABLE?<span>

I played it pretty safe last week in my predictions, so I got them all right. Except Hal didn't really fall off the wagon, that's happening next week. And Annie's B-plot was actually rather good. Surprisingly good, for a mid-series Annie B-plot. And it's going to lead to something important in the finale, probably.

* * *

><p><span>HEROES AND LOSER<span>

HEROES

1 – Tom. He was just so nice this episode. He really is the nicest character, except to vampires. 2 – Cutler. For being Cutler? Uh... that's about it? 3 – Hal. For genuinely trying to not hurt people this episode.

LOSER

Kane – Well, he was hilarious, but we were laughing at him, not with him. And his final words were, to be polite, crap.

* * *

><p><span>MORAL OF THE EPISODE<span> – If you're spouting clichés all the time, at least think of a decent cliché for your last words.

* * *

><p><span>QUOTES<span>

KANE – 'Something about heartburn – heartbreak – shit.'

ALEX – 'Ah, you're religious. Hence your weird blend of happiness and sexual repression.'

ANNIE – 'So you've got no friends. You don't owe any money and you've got no regrets. Oh! Have you seen _Titanic_?'

HAL – 'We're more Ceefax people...'

CUTLER – 'I can't exactly go to Ofcom.'

* * *

><p><span>HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED<span>

Emrys finds out that his unfinished business is to squish Annie in revenge for killing him. He squishes Annie. Meanwhile, Hal vamps out with Alex, and drinks her dry, then goes on a – yep, once again (seriously? You'd think this is a recurring joke!') massacre. Unfortunately, he kills Tom, and is burnt by werewolf blood. And dies.

* * *

><p><span>MEMOS<span>

ONE – Why hello there. You were brilliant this episode. Last series, I thought you were a trainee psycho (well, at least until episode seven) but now we've found out how nice you really are. You wouldn't hurt a fly. Well, you wouldn't hurt a fly. But you would hurt vampires. That doesn't really make sense, but hey.

Also, it was nice to see you getting a girlfriend, as you're 21. You are hilariously bad at romance, but I can't blame you, as I – um, am not much better. And also, you and Hal need to keep that bromance up. It's the best bromance since Merlin and Arthur, and that's saying something.

See you next week,

PTS

TWO – Hello again. This week, you seemed a little edgy. Can't think why... But seriously, with the OCD and the hiding under the tables, you came across as a little bit jumpy. I mean, seriously, why are you so nervous about going out with someone when you're 500 years old and have dated before? Oh yeah... The bloodlust...

I've touched on the whole 'falling off the wagon' thing already (I believe it was in chapter four, please correct me if I'm wrong), but I'm going to mention it again before you actually fall off the wagon next week. It's sad to see you going to the dark side (Unless Cutler is offering you cookies: 'Come to the dark side. We have Twitter and cookies.'), but hopefully you'll get past it. After all, it's just a phase that you go – oh, holy crap.

PTS nervous...

THREE – Well, that was a bit of a surprise. No, not adult Eve showing up and calling you 'Mum', the fact that your B-plot was actually interesting. It's not good to kill people, but it was an accident, and you did try to make up for it. Even if it was just to get Emrys to bugger off.

So, yeah. You didn't get the sweet romance, the jumpy and nervous romance or the confrontation with cliché-spouting bodyguards. You got the grumpy old man lying around the house. But at least you were good about it, and tried to help. Poor you, you. You're going back to Purgatory with Eve next week! Heh heh.

PTS

FOUR – Hello new person. Yes, you've got the guest star memo, previously given to people like Micheala, Kirby, and Yvonne. So not exactly the hallmark of brilliance. But actually, you were pretty awesome this episode. Well, for most of the episode anyway.

You're a pacifist (I'm a pacifist too! We actually have something in common!), rely on brains rather than brawn (OK, that's another thing I have in common with you, and have a Blue Peter badge (It was a couple of years ago, OK?) and were generally very nice to Tom. And if you're nice to Tom, I respect you. So, in conclusion, you're better than all the people who've got the guest star memo so far. I'd send you a plastic trophy, but I don't have the money. I'll give you _Spider-Man 3_ on DVD instead.

PTS

FIVE – Oh god, it's you. The loser. I mean, seriously, you are a complete, and utter loser. You did nothing but spout dodgy action movie lines (at least spout good action movie lines!) and bellow '!' at the ceiling. And you didn't have any good last words, which is quite funny for someone so talky. I have a complete lack of respect for you. You suck. Literally. This town needs a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to them (guess the reference!).

PTS angry...

* * *

><p><span>RATING FOR THE EPISODE<span> – 9.5. The best episode of the series so far. It balanced four plot threads at once, and brought them each to a great conclusion, and left one open for next week. Plus, it was just so funny. Series 3 was excellent, but it was just so dark, and really lacked humour. To quote Lenora Crichlow: 'Series 4 is like a bright summer's day.' And also, it's a refreshingly light episode before the darkness of the two-part finale.

* * *

><p><span>PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE<span> – Ooh, the two-part finale begins next week! So, let's see. Tom will team up with Cutler, who's planning something evil. Cutler's going to manipulate Tom in some way to do with the full moon. Annie will go to Purgatory with Eve, and visit the future. Eve will tell her that Annie has to kill the baby Eve to save mankind from the vampires. And Hal will start drinking blood again, will reunite with Cutler (they hug! THEY HUG!) and will vamp out and – here's a slightly mad prediction – turn Alex into a vampire.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review, positive reviews are lovely, but tips on how I can improve and polite constructive criticism are very welcome – as I want to make this fic as entertaining as possible for people. The chapter for episode seven, 'Making History', will be uploaded on Monday 19 March.<strong>

**PTS out. **


	7. Making History

**A/N Hello, and welcome to chapter seven of Prophecies and Properness!**

**And life goes on. Thank you to everyone who reviewed/alerted the last chapter, it's much appreciated! I'm actually now thinking of a sequel to this story (Hey! Why are you running away? Come back!), so if you are reviewing and you want to, I'm taking suggestions for a name for the series five story (that is if they make a series five. It's pretty likely, though). All I need is an alliteration of some sort - *something* and *something* and something supernatural related. I'll reveal what the story will be called in chapter nine. In other things, I watched **_**Thor**_** this week, and I absolutely loved it. Tom Hiddleston is brilliant. Last week's mystery reference was again a **_**Batman**_** reference – a little lazy, I know. I promise that this week's one is better. And finally, **_**Being Human**_** US – bloody hell, that twist sounded brilliant. It's good that they're going in a different direction to where the UK show went, though. It'll be interesting to see where the show is come season 3.**

**So, without any further rambling from me, here's Episode Seven, 'Making History'!**

* * *

><p><span>ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK'S MEMOS<span> – 1. Tom, 2. Hal, 3. Annie, 4. Allison, 5. Kane.

* * *

><p>PREVIOUSLY ON <em>BEING HUMAN<em>

Tom and Hal entered the world of dating with mixed results: Tom's went nicely until his girlfriend, Allison, went a bit loopy after killing a vampire and was sent home by Tom. N'aw. Hal, on the other hand, was set up with a date by Tom with Scot Alex, and ran away because of, y'know, bloodlust things. Annie killed her neighbour (I know, right?) by accident, and helped him to complete his unfinished business. Cutler was epic, and a cliché-spouting bad guy, Kane, was killed. And then adult Eve came along and said hi to Annie. As you do.

* * *

><p><span>PREDICTABLE?<span>

I believe this is called an epic fail. (Only kidding, I know that phrase. I am ******** next week after all.) Hal didn't vamp out and kill Alex, Cutler did to 'free' Hal in a mirror of what Hal did in the past, and then Alex came back as a ghost. Damn you, Whitehouse. I did get the other predictions right, though. Eve did indeed tell Annie to kill the baby Eve. But will she?

* * *

><p><span>HEROES AND LOSER<span>

HEROES

1. Alex. She saved Hal from the blood! She's like the anchor for him! She's got a cool accent! 2. Hal. For actually doing some heroic stuff at the end, never mind the bloodlust. C'mon, what would you do in his position? 3. Tom. I feel sorry for him. He's so gullible.

LOSER

Cutler – Bad, bad Cutler. I said a while ago that I'd turn against him if he harmed Tom or Hal, and that's what he did. Cutler, you're fired. From something or other.

* * *

><p><span>MORAL OF THE EPISODE<span> – Always keep an angry ghost (preferably Scottish) by your side in times of temptation.

* * *

><p><span>QUOTES<span>

TOM – 'How do I look? Splashed out, didn't I? Went to the Cancer Research shop.'

ALEX – 'Luckily for you, I have yet to have had sex under the coalition government.'

ALEX – 'Christ, I was jowly.'

HAL – 'Watching you negotiate grown-up emotions is like watching a gorilla perform keyhole surgery.'

CUTLER – 'All I ask for in return is when they write the history of what's about to happen they give me a mention. And a statue. And maybe Brazil.'

* * *

><p><strong>How It Could Have Happened will return next week. As it's the penultimate episode, writing one would be a bit redundant.<strong>

* * *

><p><span>MEMOS<span>

ONE – You first. Just kidding, I don't hate you that much. Anyway, I have a few questions for you. How was the future? Bit grim, wasn't it? And was the revelation that it's actually your doing... upsetting? Sorry for all the questions. I'm just in that sort of mood today.

Also, how was seeing the baby you've been looking after for quite a while now all grown up in front of you – showing you the future you created, arguing with you... telling you to kill your baby self? Wouldn't that create a sodding massive paradox? And you don't want a paradox to happen, believe me.

PTS

TWO – Hey, blood guy. How's the blood going? Was it a particularly bloody day for you? I'll stop. I'm being insensitive. Whoops. To be honest, I can't entirely blame you for falling back into the blood, since you were being pressured, and it IS part of your nature as a vampire. So I'm gonna let you off this one...

...And talk about Alex. Cutler was EVIL to kill her, and I could see that you were genuinely upset at seeing her dead, and mutilated. But thankfully, her ghost's around to keep you from bloodlust, which is useful. I'm not sure you'll ever read this, because Tom might have shredded you, but hey... It's the thought that counts.

PTS

THREE – That childhood with McNair really didn't do anything for you, did it? It's not your fault, but if you hadn't become so naive and gullible, the world wouldn't know about werewolves. Let that sink in. It's all McNair's fault, really. I blame McNair, for everything, even the Old Ones.

Although to be fair to you, Cutler is rather good at playing people. He was wrapping you around his finger, and you had no idea. Sometimes it's good to be paranoid, you know. And look where it's left you. You're about to kill Hal. Even if Hal survives, I won't forgive you. Grr...

PTS angry...

FOUR – Well, hello there. You were awesome this episode, just to say. I mean, you died, but apart from that... And you're even cooler as a ghost, with the teleporting. And the fact that you're practically saving Hal from killing everyone and making my 'How it Could Have Happened' stories come true.

And not only that, but you saved DOZENS of people in that nightclub from shredding by werewolf. You're a true legend. And um... you've got a Scottish accent. I like Scottish accents. I know you're a ghost and stuff, and you're sort of with Hal, but can I have your phone number?

PTS

FIVE – Well, I did say that I'd turn against you if you harmed Tom and Hal, but you went and did it anyway. You were my favourite character, and then you manipulated Tom like that, and made him turn in the same room as Hal. Well, not on purpose, but you made Tom possibly harm Hal, and in my book that's the greatest crime ever. I hope you get staked in the finale. Grr... I'm getting angry. You won't like me when I'm angry. (Cookies for anyone who guesses that reference correctly, and an individual 'tribute' in chapter nine.)

* * *

><p><span>RATING FOR THE EPISODE<span> – 10. Simply brilliant – the best episode of the series. It's always great to see the arc threads come together in the penultimate episode, and it was particularly satisfying to see it here. Also, incredible acting from everyone (Kate Bracken is fantastic – a possible Series 5 regular?) and excellent writing from Toby Whitehouse. Amazing. And the the cherry on the cake – only Mark Gatiss strolling in at the end, with his fellow Old Ones!

* * *

><p>PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE – Uh... I'm going to get this wrong, aren't I? Anyway, I'll have a go. Mr Snow (aka Gatiss) will visit Hal and will influence Hal to go over to the Old Ones. Cutler is rejected by the Old Ones and goes solo, having his revenge. He'll get staked at the end. At the very end, Annie will discover a new ghost power, and zap Eve to save the world. She'll then leave through her door. Hal will go back to the side of the good at a crucial moment. Alex will move into the house in place of Annie. God, these predictions are a bit nuts.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Please review – positive reviews are lovely, but tips on how I can improve and polite constructive criticism are very welcome, because since there's just one 'regular' chapter to go, I want to finish with the best chapter yet before chapter 9 rounds it off. The chapter for episode eight, aka the finale, 'The War Child', will be uploaded on Tuesday 27 March, as it's my birthday next Monday, so there will be delays.<strong>

**You'll get chapter 9 on Saturday 31 March, though, as compensation.**

**PTS out.**


	8. End of the War

**A/N Hello, and welcome to chapter eight, the final chapter, of Prophecies and Properness!**

**I promised a full chapter for episode eight Tuesday, last week, which you might have noticed, failed to appear. This is a combination of having very little time that day, and setting up my new computer. My fault entirely, I apologise. But the delay gave me a little time to think about the promised chapter nine, and I came to a decision to mix chapter eight with chapter nine. So, what you're getting here, is three memos for chapter eight, with the 'awards', thank yous, morals and a 'special thing' I was planning for chapter nine. The full chapter eight will appear soon in my (first) sequel to this story, titled **_**The Writer Strikes Back**_**. More on that in the final author note below.**

**So, I'd better get on with it, I guess. Here's chapter eight, 'End of the War'!**

* * *

><p><span>MEMOS FOR EPISODE 8<span>

ONE - I guess your days on Earth were numbered from the midway point this series. It was fairly obvious what you had to do to complete your unfinished business, but that made it more tragically inevitable. And when you blew Eve and the vampires up - I guess it was time for you to go.

Hang on... am I being sentimental? We can't have that, can we (I promise I'm not like this in real life!)? Well, to be honest, blowing up a baby, even if it saves the world, is ethically wrong. Bad, bad ghost. Seriously, you could have dropped an anvil on her head or something. Or a piano. I'm only kidding, but seriously, you need to learn the Act of Human Rights! Or something like that...

It's not over,

PTS

TWO - Well, hellooo there. How are you? Feeling a bit... strapped for cash? Ba-dum tish! Sorry. It's good to know that your bloodlust is dying down a little, and that you're uh... strapped to a chair in the living room of Honolulu Heights? Not much progress on that department, really.

How was it, meeting Mark Gatiss - I mean Mr Snow? It must be pretty cool to meet the oldest vampire ever, right? So why were you so scared? Coward. Who would be scared when they meet the oldest vampire ever? Me, I guess. The rest of the world. Whoops. Sorry for calling you a coward.

PTS

THREE - I have three words for you: Cooking Oil Bomb. Pretty ingenious, I've gotta admit. But aside from that, there's not much to say to you that I haven't said already. See you next year. Heh heh.

PTS

* * *

><p><strong>THE SERIES 4 EPISODE LEADERBOARD<strong>

**1. Making History**

**2. Puppy Love**

**3. The War Child**

**4. The Graveyard Shift**

**5. Eve of the War**

**6. A Spectre Calls**

**7. Hold the Front Page**

**8. Being Human 1955**

So, episode seven comes out on top with a perfect score of 10, with episode two, with a still-respectable score of 8. It just goes to show how good series 4 was.

* * *

><p><strong>MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER<strong>

Hal - Winning by making it through the entire series. Such a good addition to the Honolulu Heights truimvirate, with his OCDness and general awesomeness. We salute you, Hal.

And an honorauble mention to Cutler, everyone's favourite vampire lawyer bad guy. And Tom. Can't forget Tom.

* * *

><p><strong>HOPES FOR SERIES FIVE<strong>

Alex joins Hal and Tom. Hal breaks the bloodlust loop. The trio go after Mr Rook (the guy who hides supernatural stuff from the human race) to find Alex's body, which they do. Alex misses her door, as I want her to stay for a little longer. Adam returns for another episode. And Allison. Regus should come back for another couple of episodes. And most importantly, MAKE HAL THE LEAD CHARACTER!

* * *

><p><strong>THANK YOU<strong>

First, thanks to all the reviewers who took time out to say what they thought about this story. Here are the nice people who thought that my story was worth reviewing:

DyingInAStarLily, RubyRosettaRed, aurora151989, GhibliGirl91, C'estMoiLiz, The11DoctorsMermaidSam, catronia90, PenGuinevere, MaximillianNero, SpaceyWacey, TorchwoodBoy, valuablenicola, Stephy-Lou Clark Weasley, BloodStainedFingers, crazy-forever, CaptainFedo and FourteenHundredHours.

Thanks to CrystalSquirrel on Twitter who offered useful thoughts and opinions whenever a new chapter went up.

Thanks to Kitty O for giving me permission to use her story format for this entire fic.

Thanks to everyone who even clicked on this fic for a peek.

And finally, thank you to the _Being Human_ production team, for making this series such a joy to watch, and being nice (and brave enough) to follow me on Twitter. Also, thanks to the actors for bringing the wonderful characters to life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN So, we're at the final author note/ramble. Once again, thank you to everyone who's read/reviewed this story, you've helped make it fun to write, and have made my Mondays and Tuesdays a bit less miserable. So, looking to the future, I'll be keeping myself busy over the next few months. First, a spin-off to this story, a proper fic where I torment Tom, Hal, Alex, and EVERYONE who's had a minor/major part on the show. George, Annie, Mitchell, Nina, Herrick, Jaggat, Kemp, Seth, Mr Snow, Regus, Adam and Micheala will all be back, as I throw aside the binds of realism to pay these people a visit. The story will be called: **_**Being Human vs The Writer, **_**and will start to be uploaded in mid-April. Beyond that, I'll be covering the first half of **_**Doctor Who**_** series seven with memos and the rest this autumn. And finally, the direct sequel to this story, **_**The Writer Strikes Back**_**, will cover series five in early 2013. And apart from that, I think I'm done. Goodbye everyone, and happy Easter!**

**PTS out.**

* * *

><p><span>THE POST-CREDITS SCENE<span>

It was eerily quiet in Honolulu Heights. Tom and Alex were sleeping, and only Hal was awake, fiddling with a domino in his chair. He thought about Annie, and that he would never see her again. He felt miserable. The only person that reminded him of his old life with Leo and Pearl was gone. It was strange that Annie, a ghost from the twenty-first century, would remind him of a ghost and a werewolf from the 1950s. But there was something about Annie, something about her personality, that felt familiar, that tied Hal to his life in the barber's shop. Something -

He heard a knock on the door. The banging became louder, and louder, until Hal relented, and opened the door, stake in hand. And he was pretty shocked by what he saw. A boy in his early teens stood there, staring expentantly at him. ''Come on...'' the boy said. ''Are you just going to stand there? Do I even look like a vampire to you?'' ''Who are you, why are here at 3am?''

''Nick Fury, director of SHIELD. I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Intiative.'' Hal looked baffled. ''What is that even supposed to mean?''

The boy grinned. ''I'm PreTitlesSequence, really. I've just wanted to say that ever since watching _Iron Man_.''

And with that, PreTitlesSequence pushed past Hal into the house. Hal was left standing in the doorway, completely flummoxed. Little did he know that PTS was here to stay, and was intent on making Hal's life a misery...


	9. Unfinished Business

**A/N Hello, and welcome to chapter nine of Prophecies and Properness!**

**The last time we spoke**_**, The Avengers **_**hadn't come out yet, no-one knew that **_**Merlin **_**was going to end and Christopher Nolan was still a well-respected director with a legion of loyal fans - ten months ago, in short. And yes, in chapter eight, I did mark the story as a complete and called it the final chapter.**

**But series five is coming and I have some unfinished business to attend to - checking in with Tom, Hal and Alex before series five rolls around in two weeks' time and making a few predictions about the upcoming series. Welcome back if you've read any of the past eight of my weekly ramblings on series four (and you didn't immediately close the tab after reading the author note - I don't blame you) - and hello to anyone who hasn't read this story before. Oh - and there's a few minor series five spoilers.**

**So, enough rambling, and on with chapter nine, 'Unfinished Business'!**

* * *

><p><span>MEMOS<span>

**ONE** - Well, hello again. The last time we spoke, you were strapped in a chair in the living room of Honolulu Heights. What's that? You're still strapped in a chair, being fed mashed banana? Heh heh. That's quite a long time to be sitting in the same place, isn't it? It must get pretty boring, just sitting there, not even able to play dominoes or do press-ups.

Well, you'll get out eventually, just be patient. As lovely as sitting in a chair, doing nothing for ten months is, you're probably itching to move more than an inch. Not that I'm sympathetic, or anything. That would be ruining the point of this entire story, right? I'm not supposed to be nice to you, as hard as it is to be nasty to someone who turned down Mark Gatiss.

Oh, and you've been fired from your job. You'd probably want a new one.

See you soon,

PTS

**TWO **- Hello there. Still attending to Hal? Still having to transform in that crappy basement? I'm not so sure what's actually happened to you in these ten months, apart from mashing bananas and spoon-feeding baby food to the most powerful vampire alive.

Let's hope you're a little less gullible than before, because to be honest, it wasn't the most intelligent thing in the world to believe that Cutler meant well. Also, I hope you're keeping the house in order, because you and I know how much Hal hates mess.

Oh - and I'm really sorry about you losing your job. Why did you lose your job, exactly? Was it because you let the most powerful vampire in existence in for a little chat?

Two weeks and I'll be back,

PTS

**THREE **- I just realized this is only your second memo... which is odd. I would've sent you another, but I was kind of busy. So, how's life after death? Fun? Exciting? Depressing? Boring? It does kind of suck that you didn't find your door... but to be honest, I'm kind of happy that you didn't.

When you find your door, please miss it or something, I'd like you to stick around a little while... And by a little while, I mean a couple of years. Maybe longer. Probably longer. Definitely longer.

Prepare for a lot more of these memos,

PTS

**FOUR** - Congratulations, ambiguous man in grey! It's your first memo, and your first proper episode hasn't even come around yet. I ran out of prizes long ago, so your free copy of _The Bourne Legacy _on DVD (I do like to treat people) will be arriving soon.

God knows what you'll actually be doing, but I'm guessing you don't mean well. You don't look like an evil kind of guy... Well, you like exactly like an evil kind of guy... but just keep on the straight and narrow, OK? OK? Great. Guess you're the bad guy, then.

You don't know what you just signed up for,

PTS

**FIVE** - I can't really say much to you, considering you haven't popped up yet... But all I can say is, congratulations! You're getting a memo every single week for six weeks! Well, it's your fault for appearing in every episode.

Captain Hatch? Come back when you - Sorry? What did you say you were?

PTS

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><p><strong>PREDICTIONS AND HOPES FOR THE SERIES<strong>

I made a few of these back in chapter eight, but we know a little more now, so here's my hopes for the coming series:

Hal has a few troubles with bloodlust, but he gets over them just in time to save the world. Alex continues to be snarky and generally awesome. Tom wises up a little and isn't quite as naive as before. Mr Rook is actually a good guy, not the uber-posh villain that we've been led to believe he is. Adam/Alison/Regus/Cutler (I can dream!) will make a come-back. Phil Davis (the man who killed Uther Pendragon and tried to kill Sherlock) infiltrates the show. That's not a prediction, that's a fact. Google it. Also, I really, really want Mitchell, George, Nina and Annie to come back. I hated the show without them. It's not the same. Series five is going to suck. I'm joking, stop throwing things at me!

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><p><strong>So, that's it for chapter nine, and for the story itself (for real this time!). Series five is just around the corner, and so is the sequel to this story, called... wait for it... awkward silence...<strong>

**DEVILS AND DEVILRY.**

**Devils and Devilry, the seven-part companion fic to series five (that's a chapter for each episode and a summary chapter at the end) is coming soon - and I'd really appreciate your input. Is there anything you'd like to see in the fic? Are you looking forward to series five? Did you enjoy this chapter? Please review, whatever you want to say - polite constructive criticism is more than welcome, as I want to make DaD as good as it can possibly be.**

**Chapter one of Devils and Devilry, 'The Trinity', will be uploaded on Monday 4 February.**


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